Fuck you. Just because you're super smexy, a mix between my 15-year-old-crush-Steve-Maxwell and Alexander Skarsgard does not mean that you can charm your way into the Quad's hearts.
I know you were super wasted claiming it was your B-day but how old were you? 24? 26? Did you honestly think we were going to buy you a drink?You said you were born in '84 then '86. The Quadriforce would have been forgiving because you were cute but COME. ON.
You can't fool the Quad. We've traveled the world baby, there and back again. We've been to Dublin. We've partied in Dublin. Hell, we were hungover like true Irishmen in Dublin. So don't say you're from Dublin and then proceed to tell us that Dubliners don't pronounce 'three' like 'tree'. Your fake accent SUCKED.
Your fake accent was so bad it made me wish that I was back in Rome. Yea. That bad.
That's why, Fake Irish Guy, we tried to steal your jacket. We would have gotten away with it too if you hadn't sent your British friend to find it for you. I saw the scared-deer-in-the-headlights look you were giving our male friend. You know what a real Irishman would have done? STARTED A FUCKING FIGHT!!!!!!!! But you, Fake Irish Guy, ran away in fear. Which means you're probably pussyshit from the O.C. or some awful place like that where real men don't exist.
Also, trying to pawn off a German beer as a Irish beer? HAVE YOU NO SHAME FAKE IRISH MAN?!!! It's bad enough that we all know Seattle barely ever carries any beer stronger than water but also Melissa will own your ass when it comes to beer. (And the Beatles.)
(OMG. Beer & Beatles-new Quad cooking/traveling show idea?)
Anyway...
I hope I see you around Seattle, Fake Irish Guy because I will punch you in the face.
Because I'm half Irish, and that's what we do.
XOXO,
Rachel
Now everytime I meet a good looking person with an accent, I immediately question it. This dude was a joke.
ReplyDeleteI also told him how homeless people sat outside the ATMS in dublin....maybe this offended him...I don't care.