Dear Diary

Dear Diary,
This week I learned that all bois in the world are the exact same. I meet a new guy and was like 'oh this guy is TOTALLY cute' and he was like "yea blah blah blah pretentiousness blah blah" which seemed really familiar. Then I found out he was a music major and of Italian descent and I was like OMG world that's like the same as the last three guys I dated. No wonder Katy Perry went to space to find a cute alien boi. Does anyone know where I can book a flight with NASA?
XOXO,Rachel

Are you there Diary?
It's me, Burgermouth. Oh my god, so, like today? I turned on the radio because, like, I was all stuck in traffic because, like some effing retard crashed his car into three other cars and blocked THE ENTIRE ENTRANCE TO THE HIGHWAY!!!! :(
So, like, anyway, I was listening to the radio and it was, like, this classical station and stuff, and I was all "This isn't so bad" so, like I kept listening to it, right? And the more I listened to it the more I kept thinking, like, "Wow, this is so soothing, I bet it would be really cool to butcher meat to this. Like, I could cut the meat really gracefully on beat with the music and the slicing sound would feel so gratifying with all of the soothing violins." And I just, like, kept thinking about it, and what I would wear when I was doing this, and how much fun it would be, and how relaxing it would be after a hard day of work.
Then I realized that I was pulling into my street and I had no recollection of my drive home or how I got there, because I, like, totally spaced out thinking about all that classical music-butchering-stuff. Is that weird? :-/



Dear Diary,
Lalalala This is my life (insert theme to Daria here) I've discovered what an impact Joe Pesce has had on my life. Also I would like it very much if Ice T could be the voice of my eventual biography on tape. 
xoxo H

Dear Diary,
Chocolate, Chocolate, Chocolate! 
XOXO, Melissa